I've tried to jam
these thoughts out but to no avail.
I guess, I'll just have to sort it out here, like I always do. Warning : It may sound a little depressing from here on, but I'm fine. Just need to sort my thoughts out on paper, I mean, on the web.
Emotions seem to blind me. I thought I was much stronger in my principles than this, but I guess, I'm far more frail and weak than I thought I was. I know what I should do, and what is 'right' in this situation. If it were any other, I would have told them right away, probably given them a long lecture about it also. It's different this time though, I know it all in my head. But my heart wants what it wants.
I really don't know why.
Would you invest in a pair of trainers that look good even if, judging by its quality and brand name, you know it wouldn't last long? Would you sacrifice long term benefits for instantaneous satisfaction? Rationally speaking, I wouldn't.
But were I to take the step I'm so tempted to take, I would have.
I've asked for help, seek advise and etc.
To be honest, I didn't have to consult anyone. I know best. Even twins brought up in different environment will differ from each other, slightly. Two different tea cups cannot match the same saucer, or can they?
And all these butterflies in my tummy, are they really what I think them to be?
I'm done focusing on all the wrong things, and looking at all the wrong corners. I guess, all these hoo-ha would remain what they are until I turn back to You, huh?
"....Only Your will, Lord.. Only You....."
-shengeh-
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